Sunday, Bloody Sunday?

TO DO

7 a.m. - Big breakfast. Long day ahead.

9 a.m. - Finish packing. Throw in some extra sandals and a light jacket in case it gets chilly at night. Sticking to biz casual.

11 a.m. - Confirm number of guests with caterer.

12:30 p.m. - Light lunch. Don't want to travel on a full stomach.

2 p.m. - Have dad call his friend Meph to lend us some entertainers: Hendrix, Joplin, Cobain, maybe a Jonas brother or two (they should be arriving around 6:45 EDT).

4 p.m. - Make sure guests rooms have mints on the pillows.

6 p.m. - Go time. Booyah!

See That Pile Of Parts? That Used To Be My Scale

Day 6

Weigh in: +1 pound. So as my experiment week comes to an end, here is what I have learned: not much. On the first day of "normal" eating with a cut in carbohydrates, I lost weight. On the second, I gained.

Salt may be a factor in there, too, seeing as I ate fast food yesterday. The amount of sodium in fast food is mind-boggling. Some restaurant meals contain three days' worth of sodium; it's nearly impossible to eat an entire restaurant meal without at least one entire day's worth. Since sodium makes your body retain water, that throws another hitch in my giddyup.

What I will take away from this exercise (pun intended) is that I eat an awful lot of carbs, and cutting back would probably do me some good. When I took the time to see how many carbs are in the things I eat every day, it shocked me. While I don't think carbs are the enemy, I don't think I will be quite as friendly with them as in the past.

One thing I know I must work on: eating when hungry, stopping when full. It's a talent we are born with, but along the way I lost that. Too much emotional eating has deadened my body's natural signals. Maybe with some patience and effort, I can get that back.

Happy No Diet Day! Read About My Diet Here!

Day 5

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that today is No Diet Day. Yes. I know. But let's move on.

So I managed to stay pretty true to my food goals yesterday, but by bedtime I was hungry. Headache, bellyache hungry. I keep thinking I should add some physical activity, but right now I'm still at the thinking stage. My biggest beef? Getting all sweaty. I don't want to take two showers a day, wash my hair twice a day and dry my hair twice a day. As much I admire those people who get up at the crack of dawn and get their workouts done, that is not me. I value my sleep.

Weigh in: -2.5. So what does that mean?? I expected a small gain, if anything. Now I'm at -8.5 pounds in four days. Will tomorrow be my day of reckoning? Or is there something to this carb thing?

By the way, tomorrow will be my last diet update. I thank my four readers for putting up with this unusual (for me) series. Often the only thing worse than being on a diet is reading about somebody else being on a diet. But I am proud that I made updates every day. Diary form is very easy; forming coherent thoughts, that's umm, what's the word? Oh. Hard.

1 p.m. - Out of my usual staples; I didn't replenish them in anticipation of not being able to eat them. All I have here at work is expired peanut butter crackers or slightly stale pretzel goldfish. Goldfish win. I have only half a serving to keep the carb count down. So I'm running on about 75 calories and 12 grams of carbs. Excellent.

6:00 p.m. - I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's. And so I do. I have a small fry, for I am a slave to their curly fries, and try the new chicken salad wrap. It was very good. Not overly tart or tangy. And the size of this thing? It looked like a giant burrito. I trim off some of the extra flatbread to save on carbs. I am acting like "one of those people."

9:15 p.m. - Needed to feed the chocolate beast. I savor two Dove peanut butter chocolate Promises. I am told there are sappy sayings written on the inside of the wrappers. In my mad dash to open the candy as fast as humanly possible, I have never noticed.

I Kissed A Carb And I Liked It

Day 4

You may have noticed I did not mention exercise these past few days. The Dukan Diet prescribes only a 20 minute daily walk, but this is not recommended for the first few days of "attack" due to potential weakness. I didn't experience any extreme fatigue or weakness, though I did feel a little lightheaded a few times last night.

Weigh in: -0.5 pounds. Half a pound. Lost three days in a row. Yay! 6 pounds in 3 days. And to sound like a broken record, is it really actual weight/fat loss? Or just water weight? Or just lack of calories? Though by my calculations, based on calories, I should have only lost 1 pound. The only real way to compare the effects is to starve for four days and see how they match up, something I am not willing to do anytime soon.

So while I've had a good run, I have decided to end the Dukan Diet experiment. I learned a lot about carbs, protein, not to mention all that dairy probably boosted my calcium intake. But I am not willing to go hungry for two more days.

However, I am more curious about the effect of carbs on my body. So for today and tomorrow I am doing a new experiment. I will diet, eating around 1,200 calories, but also try to limit my carbs to less than 100 grams. No food is forbidden. We'll see what happens. Hopefully I can sustain this loss and eventually lose more. I refuse to buy one of those expanders you can attach to the waist of your pants.

12:15 pm. - Granola bar. Made with evil white flour. It tasted wonderful.

5:30 p.m. - Cottage cheese with berries. This may be one of the Dukan-approved foods I can stick with.

6:00 p.m. - Two crunchy tacos. Though I also like the soft shell, I learned they have almost 10 more grams of carbs.

6:45 p.m. - Baby size ice cream cone. Peanut butter moose tracks. I refuse to feel guilty about it, though it threw me a bit over my max carb limit of 100 grams.

Approximate totals: 1200 calories, 125 grams of carbs

Dukan't Believe I'm Still Doing This

Day 3

Felt OK this morning. Wasn't very hungry. Or maybe I didn't notice it because I was so busy at work. Still, seriously thinking this might be my final day on the Dukan Diet.

Weigh in: -2.5 pounds. I'm glad to see a second day of weight loss, but I can't help thinking as soon as I eat a piece of bread or consume more than 1,000 calories I will gain what I've lost. In theory, that shouldn't happen. More calories burned than eaten should result in weight loss. But I've yo-yoed so many times I don't know what to believe anymore. Right now, a gain would make me feel like such a failure.

The reason I started this crash diet was because: A. My pants have grown too tight and I don't have money to buy new work clothes. B. I have a health check for my insurance next week. Hence the urgency. I am about 20 pounds heavier than this time last year, which is still much, much less than my heaviest. I'd prefer to just cut back gradually, not depriving myself too much. Alas, I am an all or nothing type of person.

1:00 p.m. - First I've eaten today. Cottage cheese with a few strawberries and granola, then an ounce of turkey. Got a bit of a belly ache again. I don't have problems with dairy any other time. Maybe it's because I'm eating it on an empty stomach.

2:15 p.m. - One big burp and I feel much better.

4 p.m. - Gum! Glorious gum!

4:45 p.m. - Lady walked by the window with a big-ass ice cream cone. I want chocolate peanut butter ice cream so bad. I might even consider killing someone for it. Then the thought passes. Mostly.

5:00 p.m. - Eating peanut butter straight from the jar. Tip of the day: Crunchy has fewer carbs than creamy. I ran out of nuts yesterday. I like dry roasted peanuts, so I tried a packet of Emerald dry roasted almonds. Didn't care for them; they had garlic and onion in the ingredient list. I think I would prefer raw. So pb on a spoon it is. It does help to calm my choco/pb ice cream craving.

6:45 p.m. - And now, the reason I have stayed on the diet this long: turkey bacon. I promised myself I could have bacon on Day 3. So I cook it up in the oven, expecting it to be all crispy and crunchy. Didn't happen. I don't know if it was because it was turkey bacon or there was just something wrong with my technique, but it was like eating shoe leather. Didn't stop me from eating it, but I didn't enjoy it. Bacon fail.

7:15 p.m. - Craving something forbidden. Chocolate is sky-high in carbs and I don't feel like blowing it this late in the day. Finally decide on something sweet. I have two jelly beans. They were heavenly.

Thanks to the bacon, this is probably the highest calorie day so far, nearing 1,000. I feel guilty about this. I also realize it is completely ridiculous to feel bad about eating 1,000 calories.

Leaning Toward Dukan't

Day 2

I feel very tired this morning even though I got about seven hours, but that's not unusual. I need eight to nine hours to feel rested, so I'm not attributing the fatigue to the diet.

Weigh in: -3 pounds. It's something, but I was hoping for more. I've lost more than that on a one day fast. Those three pound are probably just water weight and starvation. I actually think fasting would be easier. After a while, you stop being hungry or thinking about food. But with this, I have to eat and be around food, and that seems to be worse for me.

10:30 a.m. - I smell popcorn. My dad has brought me a bag of buttery, freshly popped popcorn. (No fault of his own; he doesn't know I'm on this diet). I want it. Very. Badly.

1:30 p.m. - I especially enjoy Quaker Chewy bars and Planters Nut-trition bars. But all I have is Greek yogurt, which I'm trying for the first time. I didn't mind the texture so much. When I mixed it up, it was like whipped butter. Thank goodness I went with strawberries today instead of blueberries. They were juicy and that really helped flavor the yogurt.

If you are squeamish, please skip this paragraph: To me, it tastes like bile. Like when you throw up, that smell. That's the taste. I cannot unwrap my mind from that connection. But since it was eat it or starve, I shoved it down. I can't even imagine the taste without those five precious strawberries.

4 p.m. - My belly ache from the yogurt finally subsided a bit. I ate my carefully portioned 1/4 cup of nuts. Felt a little energy kick in.

5:30 p.m. - Picked up a grilled chicken sandwich from McDonald's on the way home. Also bought some food for the parents. I completely admit I ate four hot, golden french fries. Then I removed the chicken breast from the bun and ate my somewhat satisfying dinner. At least the chicken had some flavor.

7:30 p.m. - Cottage cheese with a few strawberries. Not too awful at all.

9 p.m. - Nausea is back again. Done for the night. I'm only at about 800 calories.

I think this diet can work really well for avid carnivores. If I cooked a lot at home or could afford to get restaurant takeout every night (like a tender steak or juicy chicken breast), I might be a better candidate for this plan. But it's not turning out to be a good fit for me.

Dukan Or Dukan't

Caveats: 1. I believe food should be enjoyed. 2. I don't think cutting out entire food groups is healthy or sustainable. 3. I think dieting is for the birds. Replacing junk with healthier foods and adding exercise sounds much kinder to the body. 4. No matter your weight, you should love yourself and your body.

I've been hearing a lot in the British press about the Dukan Diet. It is a low-carb diet but there is no carb counting, no calorie counting, no point counting, no special ratios. You may eat as much as you like as long as it is on the approved foods list. I've never tried a low-carb diet before, mostly because I know I could not stick to it long term. However, I decided to give this a go for 5 days. Follow along and share my misery, won't you?

Day 1: I am in the "attack" phase, which makes me feel like a ninja. Bonus! What this really mean is that I get to eat next to nothing. I can have all the meat and low fat/low carb dairy I want.

The problem is, I don't like meat all that much. I can count on one hand the number of steaks I've eaten in my life. I like chicken and turkey but I don't like to cook. Me and raw meat don't get along. I am totally paranoid about contamination, cross-contamination, E. coli, salmonella. That leaves me with canned chicken, lunch meat, yogurt and cottage cheese.

Oh, I'm forgetting the tablespoon of oat bran I'm allowed once a day. But I don't have any, so I'm substituting granola. Of course this is against the rules and the diet police will come running after me soon.

11 a.m. - Missing my mid-morning granola bar. Everything on this diet requires refrigeration. Instead of lugging food to work and trying to stuff it in our college dorm-size fridge, I choose to go hungry.

12:45 p.m. - Lunchtime! I fix a big bowl of plain yogurt (I didn't even know they made plain yogurt. I always assumed vanilla was plain. Nope, vanilla actually masks some of the horrible flavor.) Plain yogurt is sour. Very sour. It's like eating cottage cheese straight but without curds. So I sprinkle in a tablespoon of granola and add a few blueberries, which also are not allowed. But I looked them up and they are relatively low in carbs. I figure 10 blueberries won't ruin me, plus I don't think there's any other way I could force down the yogurt.

1:15 p.m. - Nuts! Hey, I have some nuts I could eat. I measure out a 1/4 cup and enjoy them thoroughly.

2 p.m. - Just found out I'm not supposed to eat nuts.

5 p.m. - Starving. Have a massive headache. Sit down to a dinner of packaged turkey pieces and chicken lunchmeat. It tastes good and it feels good to be eating, but I don't feel satisfied. There's no crunch, no sweetness, nothing creamy. Eating as much as I want sounds great in theory, but when I saw how much my grocery bill was just for this week, I had to cut back. So if you are on a budget, expect to go hungry.

5:30 p.m. - Milk. Meh.

6 p.m. - I'm supposed to be drinking lots and lots of water. Not a problem for me; I usually drink 6-8 glasses a day anyway. But with the lack of food in my belly, I am (pardon the phrase) peeing like a faucet. And when I move I can hear the water sloshing around. Weird.

6:30 p.m. - Trying to think of a word. Substance? No. Subsist, sustain ... sustenance! Great, now this diet is making me dumb, too.

6:45 - Not feeling full, exactly, but all the water has me feeling just this side of nauseated. That will quell the hunger for a while.

11 p.m. - Still have a headache. I know I have eaten far too few calories today. A proper day's menu would include at least a 6 oz serving of chicken, beef or fish, plus yogurt, milk or cottage cheese, with each meal. Alas, my pocketbook is not cooperating.

11:30 p.m. - Consider opening my container of cottage cheese. Decide I am too tired even to eat.

12:30 a.m. - Goodnight, all. Watch for more exciting updates tomorrow. Or today, actually. Yeah, this dumb thing is not good.